The most frequently cited data regarding divorce rates among parents having Special Needs children are that rates are high, over 80%. All parents come to mediation with certain hopes and dreams for the child’s future. But parents with special needs children carry their most personal and emotionally charged concerns. These situations are particularly suitable for mediation. Both parents share common worries about their child’s current and future needs, and their incentive to cooperate is clear.
In working with these couples, in addition to performing my other mediator responsibilities, I find it important to gather as much information about the special needs child and how the disability relates to the parents’ lives as well as the other siblings in the family. The family relationships are very often more complex.
We develop together a parenting plan providing the details of the children’s living arrangements and the responsibilities of each parent. A specific parenting plan is the best way to go to avoid any misunderstandings or conflict.
Certain issues we want to address are: 1) the extent of the disability and how child care may or may not differ, 2) making each home equally welcoming for the child or children or if unable to because of special equipment or parental training and commitment, how we want to address it, 3) adjusting parenting plans to accommodate the needs of the child, and the needs of a parent if one parent ends up with the bulk of the responsibility for caring for the child, 4) consistency and the need for routines, 5) more care to ensure one on one time with the other children and 6) financial concerns present and future.
Co-parenting is so important when determining a plan for these families. Due to the growth of children and potential change in needs for the special needs child, further review of parenting plans in the future may be necessary and changes made. In this regard, making a date in the future to revisit the plan may be placed in any agreement made by the parents.
A healthy divorce includes a healthy family and your children will gain the greatest benefit from your efforts as co-parents.
Robyn D. Weisman, Esq.
Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd.
631-465-2140
www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com
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