How Does Mediation Work

              
You’ve heard a lot about mediation, but how does it work?


Mediation is becoming increasingly popular among divorcing couples as an alternative to litigation. Often mediation leads to both parties being more satisfied with the results of their divorce. Divorce is a no-win situation, but going through a divorce or separation in an amicable way is better for the couple and the family as a whole.

In mediation, a divorcing couple will meet with a neutral third party (who should be an attorney who is also a mediator) and reach decisions about disputes in their divorce or legal separation.

The mediator is there to facilitate the discussion between the two parties. The mediator who is also an attorney may suggest solutions based on what other couples have done under similar circumstances, or what might happen if the disputes were taken to a divorce court.

It’s hard to overstate the benefits of a mediated settlement over a litigation battle. Some benefits are obvious – mediation saves money and saves time. Some are not so obvious – successful mediation develops positive conflict management. But there’s little doubt that everyone involved in a divorce is better off discussing their issues and developing a solution themselves.


WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF MEDIATION?

The most obvious advantage of successful mediation is the cost savings. For a good lawyer to walk into the courtroom with you will cost about $40,000. Certainly not every case costs this much, but there’s no doubt that fully litigated cases can easily cost between $15,000 and $50,000 per person. Mediation, on the other hand, may run you as little as $4000 in total and at the most around $7000. The difference between the cost of litigation and mediation is saved money that can be used for the children, college expenses, pay off debt, or just to start fresh in life. It may turn out to be the best investment you ever make.

The least obvious, but in many cases, the most important advantage is that during your divorce, you will be learning how to manage conflict. With litigation, you learn to manage future conflict by going to court and battling it in front of a judge. With mediation you learn that negotiating takes two, that you can be flexible, and that a deal you work out is better than some judge’s random decision.

MEDIATION CAN BE USED IN THE COUPLE’S FUTURE AS WELL

Managing future conflicts is especially important in cases involving kids. It’s so important to learn to work together for their benefit.

In divorces involving children, it’s highly likely the parties will need to come back for modification or other issues at some point in the future, particularly when the children involved are younger. Sometimes, parents come back for a modification of support, other times it’s for a change in the parenting time schedule. But the reality is that any order crafted for young children is likely to need modification in the future. Mediation is perfect for that as well.

If the parties have used mediation successfully once, they are likely to use it again. Have faith in the mediation process! A successful mediation helps resolve disputes now and in the future.

Mediation in this day and age is even easier. Nights and weekends are now convenient for all given video conferencing which is also a perfect way to mediate without leaving your homes.

MEDIATE DON’T LITIGATE, IT’S THE KINDER GENTLER WAY

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 1-631-465-2140 with offices in Melville and Long Beach, New York City

PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER: FINANCES IN A DIVORCE OR SEPARATION

 

We’ve all seen friends or family members endure long drawn out divorce battles with aggressive lawyers who seemed to escalate the conflict more than resolve it.

What you may not know is that there is a kinder, gentler way to divorce or separate. Divorce mediation involves the help of a neutral third party. This method requires the couple to work together to divide their assets and establish child custody arrangements, and at the same time preserve a decent relationship throughout the process.

In your first session, it’s ok and actually very normal to feel anxious. Fear, sadness may be creeping up on you during the first session as well. But the mediator is there to put you both at ease. The basics are covered and in my practice, the children, if there are any, are discussed first and will usually bring us all to a common ground. With years of experience in the Courts, working as a mediator in Family Court, and with a psychology background, we are able to work through the issues and find the options which best serve your family.

The goal is to fairly and equally divide our assets and to advocate for your children’s best interests in as few sessions as possible.

What you will need to bring or at least review:

· Pay stubs, plus statements for savings, checking, and retirement accounts

· Mortgage balances, credit card statements, and child care expenses.

· As my clients will attest my line is “everything you own and owe”

Beyond dividing up assets and making arrangements for children, mediation comes with heavy emotions.

The more information you share with each other, the less emotional the process will feel. It can be hard to fully trust a spouse you’re divorcing, since you wouldn’t be ending the marriage if you were on the best terms. But if you trust your mediator and the process, that will go a long way toward keeping your emotions out of it.

It’s key that you go into mediation fully prepared to compromise — beyond what you may have expected.

Remember, no one wins but the key is to be peaceful and come to a solution that works for all. It the mediator’s goal to help you stay focused on the goal of separating peacefully.

The mutual goal: to finalize the divorce without spending a fortune on legal fees or becoming enemies. It will work! Find a mediator who you are comfortable with and who knows the law. And you will find the kindler, gentler way to separate or divorce.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 

With offices in Melville, Long Beach, and New York City, New York 631-465-2140

 www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com

What Happens to our Retirement after a Divorce?


By Robyn D. Weisman, Esq.

Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York

In planning for your divorce, a look at the retirement accounts will typically show that these funds represent a good portion of a couple’s assets and savings. These can be in the form of 401K plans, IRAs, Thrift Savings Annuities and retirement pension plans.

Division of these funds can be crucial to balancing a couple’s assets. Some may want to evaluate to plan a buy-out of the parties other personal and real property. For this, an actuary or pension evaluator is a key asset in determining the value of one’s pension, since it is not defined. Your divorce mediator on Long Island or divorce attorney can help in locating a pension evaluator to have the plan evaluated.

At Divorce Mediation & Family Services we work with an efficient and effective pension evaluator to assist us in this process.

If a pension, 401K, Thrift Savings Annuity and the like (not an IRA), needs to be divided in some manner a Qualified Domestic Relations Order or QDRO is necessary to effectuate this. The QDRO is a document which instructs the plan administrator of the retirement plan on how to assign a portion of the funds to the spouse or “alternate payee”. The plan administrator approves the document before it is presented to the Court by the Long Island divorce attorney.

With the QDRO, transfers can be made at the appropriate time without any penalties. In New York, and on Long Island especially, the Courts do not sign off on this until a divorce is being finalized. It is important that the divorce mediator or divorce attorney is knowledgeable about the QDRO execution and procedures so that the divorce Agreement, Separation Agreement or Stipulation is drafted properly to include how the retirement plans will be distributed in a separation or divorce scenario.

Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York on Long Island has Long Island divorce mediators and attorneys experienced in retirement settlements and drafting the QDROs for the divorcing couple.

Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York

Your premiere Long Island Divorce Mediation firm

631-465-2140

Melville, New York

WHAT IS A SEPARATION AGREEMENT?

April 16, 2021, Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., President of Divorce Mediation and Family Services of New York


 

If you and your spouse decide to live separate and apart, but you do not want to divorce, you can go for a legal separation. A legal Separation does not involve Court intervention when done through mediation. A legal separation can give you and your spouse the time apart you need while you try to repair a marriage that may be in jeopardy of ending.

To do this you enter into a Separation Agreement.

WHAT IS A SEPARATION AGREEMENT?

A separation agreement is a written agreement that you and your spouse voluntarily sign without involving the court. Often, a separation agreement can allow you and your spouse the time apart you need while you try to repair a marriage.

A separation agreement gives you the opportunity to work out problems, slowly and over time, without the pressure of a divorce action hanging over your head. There may be other financial reasons to go for the separation instead of a divorce right away. These concerns can be health insurance related, tax interests and/or retirement benefits.

If you decide to eventually go for a divorce, you would not have to enter into another agreement, unless you decide to make changes.

As part of the separation agreement, you and your spouse decide on a number of important issues, such as child support and spousal support (called maintenance). A written separation agreement will clearly set out the rights and obligations of you and your spouse, both during and after the separation.

More importantly, especially when there are minor children of the marriage, a separation agreement allows you and your spouse to work out the details of custody and visitation in advance, as well as provide for child support and additions to child support (called add-ons), such as health insurance, education and daycare for children.

If you and your spouse begin living separate and apart under a separation agreement, you are free to get back together at any time. A separation agreement generally becomes invalid and void when you begin living together again with an intent to reconcile. However, your separation agreement can say that it is not void if you start living together again and that you can void the agreement by a second separate writing.

Although New York law now provides for a no-fault divorce, if you or your spouse can establish that you have lived separate and apart under a written separation agreement for at least one year, then you may obtain a judgment of divorce on that basis alone. The separation agreement will be submitted as part of a divorce decree, if you or your spouse decides to seek a divorce.

A mediator can work out the terms with you for a legal separation but remember only an attorney can draft the legal document.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 631-465-2140 or visit us at www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com

With office in Long Beach, Nassau County and Melville, Suffolk County New York and New York County

WHY SHOULD COUPLES MEDIATE THEIR DIVORCE OR LEGAL SEPARATION?

by Robyn D. Weisman, Esq.
 

1. DIVORCE MEDIATION TAKES THE FIGHT OUT OF AN OTHERWISE BRUTAL BATTLE

Ending a marriage does not have to be a huge fight. There are things that the couple can agree on and an experienced divorce mediator can scope those out and begin the process in an amicable manner. The key is to find out what your concerns are and interests and work to the ends that address those.

However, starting divorce mediation doesn’t mean you give up the right to go to court. If you find mediation is not working you can discontinue mediation anytime and retain an attorney. However, now you are bound by a judge instead of your own ability to create a plan that fits for your life and family.

Communication is key to every relationship. In litigation, the attorneys steer you away from communicating with each other. This is dangerous for any healthy relationship whether you are together or apart and also realizing if you have children you are going to be parents forever. You both control your future by working with each other to plan it. It is proven that people are more willing to abide by a mediated settlement since it is an agreement you created, not forced upon you.

2. DIVORCE MEDIATION IS THE QUICKEST LESS COSTLY WAY TO DIVORCE OR SEPARATE

This is easy, no retainers (at least with my office), no attorneys fighting with each other to pad billable hours, and no legal fess generated in the range of $10,000 to $40,000 or more each.

3. DIVORCE MEDIATION IS HEALTHIER FOR THE FAMILY AND CHILDREN

During mediation, both adults sit down together with a mediator (who at Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York is also a trained litigator) and negotiate a plan that will hopefully optimize everyone’s well-being. The parents cooperating in times of separation is an expression of mutual respect, health, and even unity that helps the child understand that, even though the parents are divorcing, they still care for the family institution and, more importantly, the children themselves. Therefore, the very essence of what mediation stands for is a real-world manifestation of the healthy psyche that we want to see in our children, making it the healthiest option for the family.

The emotional toll of separation can have consequences that manifest themselves in children’s social and academic lives. The result of this severe stress can negatively impact a child’s grades, friends, state of mind, and even physical well-being. Fortunately, there are ways in which a couple can get separated while preserving the family atmosphere that is so vital to the healthy development of a child or young adult.

At Divorce Mediation & Family Services we create a parenting plan together with the common goal of doing was is best for your children and family.

4. MORE CONVENIENT MEETING TIMES AND PERSONAL ATTENTION

With an experienced divorce mediator you are not pushed to different attorneys who handle different aspects of your case. With Divorce Mediation and Family Services you will work with one attorney mediator who will help you come to your agreement on issues and file the divorce paperwork or legal separation.

Given everyone’s busy schedules and especially now during the pandemic we need to be more creative on scheduling mediation sessions. Now with the invention of virtual conferencing this has allowed a greater time period to hold these meetings, including nights and weekends, or during work hours in the office. With these options it is not necessary to take off of work anymore to make appointments.

Remember, no one wins but the key is to be peaceful and come to a solution that works for all. It is the mediator’s goal to help you stay focused on the goal of separating peacefully.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 1-631-465-2140 with offices in Melville, Long Beach, and New York City, New York visit our website at www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com

Disclaimer: The information obtained at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation. We invite you to contact us and welcome your calls, letters and electronic mail. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship. Please do not send any confidential information to us until such time as an attorney-client relationship has been established.

                  How Do We Tell Others

               



Telling our children, parents, friends, and even people at work, that our marriage is over can be so difficult and even scary.

We ask ourselves how and when is the best time? Who should be present? How do I put it?

 
Telling our children

We feel guilty about disrupting their stability as we know that their lives will be changed considerably by the divorce.

There is ongoing debate as to whether it’s best to wait until the children go to college to separate. Research shows, however, that college-age children may be just as vulnerable as the younger ones. Knowing their home will become two homes while they are gone may be even harder for them than living through the changes with the rest of the family.

It is best to tell children when you know yourself what the plan is. They are going to have as many questions as you had when you entered the process. In mediation, we like to wait until we have developed a parenting plan or if the children are older, a future plan.

 
Telling our parents

Although we are adults and have had our own homes for many years, we may feel concerned about disappointing our parents by admitting that our marriage is breaking up. We would like to count on their support but sometimes they may not handle the breakup as we would like them to. They may, however, be more understanding than you think.

 
Telling our friends

                 

Couples with whom we shared dinners, vacations, activities, and events with our children are going to find out that we are not the perfect couple that they thought we were. We will no longer be interacting with them in the same way and fear we may lose some and/or be judged by them.

Going through a mediated divorce or separation gives you an edge in this regard because it keeps a couple, although separating, communicating. Communication is the key to any relationship and will help you enter new relationships and keep old ones intact. Your friends will be less likely to feel they have to take sides.

 
Telling people at work

Work colleagues may know very little about our personal lives.

Perhaps we had the courage to face a harsh reality and take the leap towards what we hope will be a healthier life for our family. Sometimes learning from our mistakes will make us stronger, more aware of who we are, and what we need to do to improve our lives. Freeing ourselves from some of that daily stress can also open up a space for us to be better parents, children, friends and co-workers.

If you are considering divorce, we can assist you with all the different aspects of that process through mediation, including how to have those difficult conversations.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 

1-800-WE MEDIATE with offices in Melville, Long Beach, and New York City, New York visit our website at www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com

What Happens To My Property During Separation or Divorce?

 

What is this thing called Equitable Distribution we hear about in marriage and divorce?

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq.

                      

So many of my clients have asked me, “I get half of everything right?”, or “Everything we own is community property”. Well, this is an often mistake that people believe in New York. New York is an equitable distribution state when dividing property during divorce. What does that mean? It means that all marital property will be distributed equitably, which is a fair division of all the assets and debts acquired during the marriage. So to figure this out, we have to decide whether specific possessions or assets qualify as separate or marital property. This will determine how property will be divided during a divorce.

What is considered separate property?

* Property either spouse acquired before the marriage began

*Property received individually by a spouse as a gift or inheritance
*Compensation for personal injuries
*Property which has been designated as separate property in a legal prenuptial agreement or written contract
*Property obtained from the proceeds or appreciation in value of separate property

If something is qualified as separate property it is not subject to division during the couple’s divorce. You are entitled to keep your own separate property unless the property has increased in value due to a spouse’s contributions.

What is considered marital property?

*The incomes of both spouses
*Any property purchased with the parties income
*Any property purchased during the marriage, such as a home or vehicle
*The appreciation of all marital property during the marriage (and potentially separate property appreciation)
*The retirement benefits earned by each spouse during the marriage

Marital property includes any property obtained by both or either spouse during their marriage. This property is subject to division during the divorce.

Once the property has been designated as separate or marital then the fair distribution can occur. Various factors are taken into consideration when distributing assets including the incomes of the parties prior to and at the beginning of the divorce, duration of the marriage, need to occupy the marital home, loss of inheritance or pension rights, maintenance awards, future financial circumstances of each spouse, tax consequences, dissipation of assets, contributions as a non-wage earner to the income of the spouse and home, and the character of the property itself.

Mediation is the best way to decide together the most “equitable” way to divide the assets fairly and creatively so that it works for both parties involved.

Contact Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York for more information, 631-465-2140 with offices in Nassau County, Suffolk County and now Manhattan 

1-877-WE MEDIATE www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com



Disclaimer: The information obtained at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation. We invite you to contact us and welcome your calls, letters and electronic mail. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship. Please do not send any confidential information to us until such time as an attorney-client relationship has been established.

 

How Will My Separation Affect My Children during the Covid period?
                 
It’s hard to predict, but it’s essential to prepare.

                  
Back to school after the holidays and cases are rising. Hopefully an end is in site to our Covid dilemmas.

Many school systems have been working within a system that alternates days physically spent at school with remote learning. This is referred to as a hybrid model.

Now parents have to update their own plans for education, supervision, and co-parenting.

It’s stressful for everyone, but divorce and children who live in two homes make it even more complicated. Divorce agreements did not envision COVID. Parents are scrambling to find workable solutions. Parents need to work together even more effectively now to help their kids learn and grow.

Parenting Plan: Most parenting plans until now only considered where children will be after school or day care. Now plans need to address where kids will learn during the day; how they will be supervised; and how they will get to and from school (busing, parent or caregiver pickup) and each parent’s home.

Child Care: Child care options are quite limited now. All day options for preschoolers and wrap-around programs for school aged kids are less available. Parents are looking for child care providers who will come to a home (or alternate between the parents’ homes). These providers may also handle supervision and outdoor activities for children whose parents work from home.

Previously, child-care expenses were often quite small because kids were in school full-time. Now, supervision may be an added expense in a difficult economic time.

Child Support: Before COVID, parenting was pretty much about evenings and weekends. What might have been a 50:50 parenting plan is now quite different when children are at one house for most of the daytime hours. Expenses are different and child support might need to be reconsidered for this time period.

Quarantine and Illness: While parents have been concerned about illness and COVID risks, not many have had to quarantine due to exposure. If a class or school requires a quarantine, how will that affect the children, their parents, and other caregivers or arrangements

I encourage parents to discuss these issues as soon as possible. As the COVID situation has evolved, further changes may be needed.

Mediating a new parenting plan or drafting a parenting plan by those going through divorce or separation necessitates a discussion on these issues.

Mediation is a great way to create an agreement that works for the couple and the family. An experienced mediator who is also an attorney would be in the best position to explain the law and the options available.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 1-800-WE MEDIATE with offices in Melville and Long Beach, New York soon to be opening an office in Manhattan as well.