How Do We Tell Others
Telling our children, parents, friends, and even people at work, that our marriage is over can be so difficult and even scary.
We ask ourselves how and when is the best time? Who should be present? How do I put it?
Telling our children
We feel guilty about disrupting their stability as we know that their lives will be changed considerably by the divorce.
There is ongoing debate as to whether it’s best to wait until the children go to college to separate. Research shows, however, that college-age children may be just as vulnerable as the younger ones. Knowing their home will become two homes while they are gone may be even harder for them than living through the changes with the rest of the family.
It is best to tell children when you know yourself what the plan is. They are going to have as many questions as you had when you entered the process. In mediation, we like to wait until we have developed a parenting plan or if the children are older, a future plan.
Telling our parents
Although we are adults and have had our own homes for many years, we may feel concerned about disappointing our parents by admitting that our marriage is breaking up. We would like to count on their support but sometimes they may not handle the breakup as we would like them to. They may, however, be more understanding than you think.
Telling our friends
Couples with whom we shared dinners, vacations, activities, and events with our children are going to find out that we are not the perfect couple that they thought we were. We will no longer be interacting with them in the same way and fear we may lose some and/or be judged by them.
Going through a mediated divorce or separation gives you an edge in this regard because it keeps a couple, although separating, communicating. Communication is the key to any relationship and will help you enter new relationships and keep old ones intact. Your friends will be less likely to feel they have to take sides.
Telling people at work
Work colleagues may know very little about our personal lives.
Perhaps we had the courage to face a harsh reality and take the leap towards what we hope will be a healthier life for our family. Sometimes learning from our mistakes will make us stronger, more aware of who we are, and what we need to do to improve our lives. Freeing ourselves from some of that daily stress can also open up a space for us to be better parents, children, friends and co-workers.
If you are considering divorce, we can assist you with all the different aspects of that process through mediation, including how to have those difficult conversations.
Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd.
1-800-WE MEDIATE with offices in Melville, Long Beach, and New York City, New York visit our website at www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com
