The Dollars and "Sense" of Divorce

 

Divorce Mediation: The Dollars and “Sense” of it

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq.








There is no question that ending a marriage is difficult. What happens to your children, if there are children is probably at the top of your list of concerns. Just as you made choices in deciding to end your relationship you are now faced with a whole set of choices about your children, your retirement, your “things” and your pets.

Life is about choices. Each party must make choices about how to respond. With all of these choices and decisions, the last thing you need is to throw thousands of dollars into attorney fees for a divorce where these decisions may be made by you with the help of a mediator.

Mediation v. Litigation. Litigation is the standard response when discussing divorce, but the cost, delay, and distraction of full-blown litigation make other alternatives worth examining seriously in your decision to divorce. As an attorney who used to litigate divorce and as a consultant mediator in Family Court, I have seen myriads of cases where families are torn apart, or couples are spending their hard-earned money on months and sometimes years of court appearances and litigation on issues they really don’t even care about. On occasion the principles at stake are so important that litigation is worth the risk and burden. Litigation may be the only option if one party is not amenable to a more reasonable method of resolving the conflict. But in most cases it is preferable to avoid litigation and seek mediation to resolve your conflicts.

The benefits of mediation are most dramatic when compared to the long-drawn-out process of litigation.

Benefits:

· Divorce mediation helps preserve a relationship with your spouse and reduces the tension for the sake of your children. If there are children, remember you are parents forever.

· Typically, you will be more satisfied by having arrived at your own “solutions” to the problems as opposed to having a judge make the decisions for you.

· Mediation is significantly less expensive than a litigated divorce.

· If the case goes to court, the cost may be three to five times as high — or more.

· Mediated divorce cases typically take considerably less time than a litigated divorce- typically months maybe even years shorter.

· Clients are given the control to determine the schedule instead of relying on a schedule chosen by the attorneys and the very back-logged court system. This makes divorce mediation much faster than family litigation because the case doesn’t rely on the court’s schedule.

· Creative problem solving instead of settling for the “norm”. Whereas in Court time constraints don’t allow for the time needed to arrive at creative or “different” solutions to meet the needs of each family, mediation allows for parties to arrive at what works for them and test agreements to see how they work. Parties can then make changes after seeing how these agreements work in practice. You make the decisions you can live with.

· Divorce mediation is confidential and private. Clients discuss the important issues in the privacy and comfort of the mediator’s office. Don’t pay a fortune to make decisions in crowded courthouse hallway, the Courtroom or less desirable location. Don’t pay a fortune to have decisions be forced upon you when you can and will make your own decisions in mediation.

 
     Clients always have the choice to litigate if mediation is unsuccessful. At least you didn’t start by emptying your bank account to begin the process. It’s much more difficult to mediate after litigation has flared up emotional conflict and made it harder for spouses to communicate and trust each other.

Consider all of these factors when you’re deciding between litigation and mediation. Call your mediator now to find out more.

Contact Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York for more information, robyn.weisman@yahoo.com

www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com

631-465-2140

Disclaimer: The information obtained at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation. We invite you to contact us and welcome your calls, letters and electronic mail. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship. Please do not send any confidential information to us until such time as an attorney-client relationship has been established.

ZOOM: The Benefits of Online Mediation

                            

ZOOM: The Benefits of Online Mediation

Between demanding jobs, managing a household, and the kids' homework and activities if you have kids, there’s no doubt you’re stretched thin. Now take your already hectic life, add a divorce into the mix. Wow! Overwhelming?

Convenience is a necessity: Since the outbreak of COVID-19 in March 2020, mediation and many court proceedings are done over zoom or E-Courts. We have found that meeting with clients exclusively via Zoom has shortened the time it takes to mediate a divorce. The E-Filing system in the Courts has made it easier and more effective way to get your uncontested divorces.

Do you need to be sitting in the same room with your mediator and your spouse, hashing out the details of your settlement agreement? Technology has advanced so much in recent years and has paved the way to create an expedient, professional and convenient way to get a mediated divorce. And it works so well!

Why Divorce mediation? Divorce Mediation will get you a fair and thorough agreement tailored to your unique needs and circumstances and help you avoid a destructive and expensive divorce in court. In fact, our process enables 98% of our clients to reach a private, out-of-court, negotiated agreement each year and avoid litigation.

What have we found with online divorce mediation? Not only can the mediations be done during more convenient times, like nights and weekends, another advantage we have recognized from Zoom meetings is that our clients are more civil towards each other and are coming to agreements quicker. This is likely due to our clients not having to take time off work travel for meetings together, sometimes not having to be in the same room, and the ability for them to mediate from the comforts of their home. Instead of all three sitting in the same room together, the two of you will be in your own separate location(s) if you choose to be and connect with your mediator via phone, iPad or computer. Screen-sharing is easy and effective for documents as well.

Over the past couple of years of meeting with clients via Zoom, we have found a cost-effective and civil approach that has proven to be more beneficial to our clients in terms of cost, time, civility, and an overall more positive divorce process.

How does it work? Just as if you were mediating face-to-face in our office our attorney/mediator, neutral mediator, will guide you and your spouse through the comprehensive divorce mediation process, identify, discuss, negotiate, and resolve all of the issues required for your uncontested divorce including parenting plan and child support if children are involved, alimony, dividing marital property, etc. An attorney and only an attorney can then in New York, process the legal paperwork on your behalf.

What services do we provide? Our services include pre-judgment divorce mediation, post-judgment divorce mediation, un-contested divorces, and family mediation. We also offer parenting coordinator services.

Mediation is kinder, gentler way to divorce or separate. With years of experience in the 
Courts, working as a mediator in Family Court, and with a psychology background, we
are able to work through the issues and find the options which best serve your family.
The goal is to divide assets fairly and equally and to advocate for your children’s best
interests in as few sessions as possible.

Remember, no one wins but the key is to be peaceful and come to a solution that works
for all. It the mediator’s goal to help you stay focused on the goal of separating
peacefully.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. Serving New York City and Long Island 631-465-2140, robyn.weisman@yahoo.com, www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com

ZOOM: The Benefits of Online Mediation

 

                           



Between demanding jobs, managing a household, and the kids' homework and activities if you have kids, there’s no doubt you’re stretched thin. Now take your already hectic life, add a divorce into the mix. Wow! Overwhelming?

Convenience is a necessity: Since the outbreak of COVID-19 in March 2020, mediation and many court proceedings are done over zoom or E-Courts. We have found that meeting with clients exclusively via Zoom has shortened the time it takes to mediate a divorce. The E-Filing system in the Courts has made it easier and more effective way to get your uncontested divorces.

Do you need to be sitting in the same room with your mediator and your spouse, hashing out the details of your settlement agreement? Technology has advanced so much in recent years and has paved the way to create an expedient, professional and convenient way to get a mediated divorce. And it works so well!

Why Divorce mediation? Divorce Mediation will get you a fair and thorough agreement tailored to your unique needs and circumstances and help you avoid a destructive and expensive divorce in court. In fact, our process enables 98% of our clients to reach a private, out-of-court, negotiated agreement each year and avoid litigation.

What have we found with online divorce mediation? Not only can the mediations be done during more convenient times, like nights and weekends, another advantage we have recognized from Zoom meetings is that our clients are more civil towards each other and are coming to agreements quicker. This is likely due to our clients not having to take time off work travel for meetings together, sometimes not having to be in the same room, and the ability for them to mediate from the comforts of their home. Instead of all three sitting in the same room together, the two of you will be in your own separate location(s) if you choose to be and connect with your mediator via phone, iPad or computer. Screen-sharing is easy and effective for documents as well.

Over the past couple of years of meeting with clients via Zoom, we have found a cost-effective and civil approach that has proven to be more beneficial to our clients in terms of cost, time, civility, and an overall more positive divorce process.

How does it work? Just as if you were mediating face-to-face in our office our attorney/mediator, neutral mediator, will guide you and your spouse through the comprehensive divorce mediation process, identify, discuss, negotiate, and resolve all of the issues required for your uncontested divorce including parenting plan and child support if children are involved, alimony, dividing marital property, etc. An attorney and only an attorney can then in New York, process the legal paperwork on your behalf.

What services do we provide? Our services include pre-judgment divorce mediation, post-judgment divorce mediation, un-contested divorces, and family mediation. We also offer parenting coordinator services.

Mediation is kinder, gentler way to divorce or separate. With years of experience in the 
Courts, working as a mediator in Family Court, and with a psychology background, we
are able to work through the issues and find the options which best serve your family.
The goal is to divide assets fairly and equally and to advocate for your children’s best
interests in as few sessions as possible.

Remember, no one wins but the key is to be peaceful and come to a solution that works
for all. It the mediator’s goal to help you stay focused on the goal of separating
peacefully.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. Serving New York City and Long Island 631-465-2140, robyn.weisman@yahoo.com, www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com

The Emotional Ride of a Divorce or Separation

The Emotional Ride of a Divorce or Separation

By Robyn Weisman, Esq.


                    


Ever take a ride in an amusement park? Your adventure goes from nerves, to fear, to relief, and then, wow, that was ok, not as bad as I thought! All the emotions involved in a roller coaster ride you feel as you go through a divorce or separation. In a divorce there are ups and downs, twists and turns, moments of high anxiety and then eventually clarity, freedom, and relief.

Are these feelings normal?

· Doubt

· Know what you need to do but ambivalence

· Thankful now you can take care of yourself

· Sadness

· Excitement about possibilities

· Fear of the future

OWN YOUR FEELINGS: THEY ARE TOTALLY NORMAL  

How do you get through it?

· Create a support system, people who will not judge, make you feel bad or confused, but people who will lift you up and you can rely on

· Allow yourself to have feelings, take it one day at a time, all will be ok

· Allow yourself to miss your spouse or the life you had, but realize there is a future and a bright light ahead

· Go see a professional if you need to. Therapy can help you through the days and months ahead

· Create a new chapter of life in your head and start getting excited over the new experiences that are and may be in store for you

· Get to know yourself again, what did you used to like to do, what brought you excitement and step into it again

· Celebrate your winnings, each step taken, allow yourself to be proud

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. Serving New York City and Long Island 631-465-2140, robyn.weisman@yahoo.com, www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com

We’ve all seen friends or family members endure long drawn-out divorce battles with aggressive lawyers who seemed to escalate the conflict more than resolve it.

What you may not know is that there is a kinder, gentler way to divorce or separate. Divorce mediation involves the help of a neutral third party. This method requires the couple to work together to divide their assets and establish child custody arrangements, and at the same time preserve a decent relationship throughout the process.





Getty Images/iStockphoto



In your first session, it’s ok and very normal to feel anxious. Fear, sadness may be creeping up on you during the first session as well. But the mediator is there to put you both at ease. The basics are covered and in my practice, the children, if there are any, are discussed first and will usually bring us all to a common ground. With years of experience in the Courts, working as a mediator in Family Court, and with a psychology background, we are able to work through the issues and find the options which best serve your family.

The goal is to divide your assets fairly and equally and to advocate for your children’s best interests in as few sessions as possible.

What you will need to bring or at least review:

· Pay stubs, plus statements for savings, checking, and retirement accounts

· Mortgage balances, credit card statements, and childcare expenses.

· As my clients will attest my line is “everything you own and owe”

Beyond dividing up assets and making arrangements for children, mediation comes with heavy emotions.

The more information you share with each other, the less emotional the process will feel. It can be hard to fully trust a spouse you’re divorcing, since you wouldn’t be ending the marriage if you were on the best terms. But if you trust your mediator and the process, that will go a long way toward keeping your emotions out of it.

It’s key that you go into mediation fully prepared to compromise — beyond what you may have expected.

Remember, no one wins but the key is to be peaceful and come to a solution that works for all. It the mediator’s goal to help you stay focused on the goal of separating peacefully.

The mutual goal: to finalize the divorce without spending a fortune on legal fees or becoming enemies. It will work! Find a mediator who you are comfortable with and who knows the law. And you will find the kindler, gentler way to separate or divorce.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. Serving New York City and Long Island 631-465-2140, robyn.weisman@yahoo.com, www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com

It's A New Year: Is a Change Coming?

 

NEW YEAR, NEW ME
By Robyn D. Weisman, Esq.,
Director, Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York







New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day have come and gone. It may have been exactly what we always thought or it may have been a time to reflect on a decision to make some changes. 2022 is a New Year and possibly a new beginning. 

Here are some thoughts to start the New Year when thinking about change:


1. Endings are also new beginnings

 
Don’t think of it as an ending but rather a fresh start. Beginning a new year reminds us that the end of one thing leads to the start of another. A relationship may be over but your life is not. Let this be a time when you recognize that you do still have a future ahead of you, despite the pain you’ve been through. And embrace the power of change….


2. So much change can happen in one year, and it can be good

 
A good thing to remember is, how much things can change in such a short span of time.
If your relationship ended suddenly you might be wondering “How did my life change so badly in a year?”. The reverse can be equally true. Although it is often difficult to see how we will ever be happy, this time next New Year’s Eve, you may be in a completely different place, both emotionally and situationally. I have seen so many of my clients after one year out of an unhealthy relationship, look and feel so healthy and changed in so many respects for the better.


3. Let go of the old

 
Releasing old habits, emotions and destructive behaviors can be a goal for the New Year. This may be a great time to reflect on what’s not working in your life and make a decision to start the year differently. What may be holding you back? Is it grief, anger, disappointment or sadness around the end of your relationship? Reflecting on it will help you move on. Maybe you are still letting your partner or ex-partner have too much interest or control in your life. This may make it hard for you to move forward. What will you do to help you feel differently?


4. Celebrate your achievements

 
However recently or distantly your relationship ended, or you may wish to end, you will have something to celebrate. It’s important to be kind to yourself and acknowledge you’ve been through a tough time. If your biggest achievement is simply waking up each day, then embrace that. Whether you are taking baby steps or long strides, remember to celebrate that you are still moving forward!


5. Resolutions for the year; what are your goals?

 
New year is traditionally a time for setting resolutions. Giving yourself realistic goals which can be a wonderful way to increase levels of positivity and happiness after a difficult year. The key is to make the goals challenging enough that they will inspire you, but realistic enough that you don’t set yourself up to fail and feel worse than when you began.


But don’t forget to be kind to yourself; look to do things that make you feel yourself again. Possibly set goals that you would not have believed possible during your relationship. Think of anything you might have held back on for fear of upsetting or being criticized by your spouse or partner.


We can, of course, make the decision to change our lives on whatever day or time we choose. But when the new year is so perfectly apt for starting afresh, why not use the opportunity to make those changes right now?

 
Wishing you a very Happy New Year and a shining future life!


Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 1-631-465-2140 Offices On Long island and New York City

Virtual appointments days, nights, and weekends available!

www.Divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com