Fall Parenting Guide when Separating or Divorcing

 

A Beginner’s Parenting Guide to Separation and Divorce with Children

By Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Founder Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York

Summer has ended and the school year has begun, parents who are contemplating divorce or separation often worry about the impact on children in the future and how best to make decisions for their future.  Who shall have custody of the children? Where will they live and go to school? How will they do? Am I just going to be a weekend parent? How do we have equal time with the children? These are common worries and fears couples bring to mediation.  The first step is to know what the lingo is when talking about children in the context of separation and divorce. There is a whole new vocabulary you should be aware of before you set out on the process.

What is Custody? When we use the word custody we are actually talking about two separate issues – legal custody and physical or residential custody.

    Residential Custody: Refers to where the children will be living. Every child needs a place to list on his or her school records or medical records. What is that address? Physical or Residential Custodial Parent: Who is going to maintain the home where the children will live most of the time. Whose residence will be listed on those school records and medical records. This is usually the parent we refer to as the custodial parent for child support purposes.

    Legal Custody: This generally refers solely to the decision making authority regarding important decisions for the children, such as healthcare, education, and general welfare. This is where joint and sole custody comes into play.

    Joint Legal Custody: This is the term used where both parents have agreed to make major decisions for the children together. This is the best case scenario for the children as long as the parents can work as a team for the sake of the children. Can you put aside your differences when it comes to the children?

    Sole Legal Custody: When parents cannot maintain a team approach for decision making for the children, one parent is given the authority to make major decisions. This is usually the residential custodial parent. The other parent, however, who does not have legal custody will be required to be kept informed and be consulted regarding all issues involving the children.

What is this “Visitation” we hear of? Is there a requirement one parent should have visitation only alternating weekends?

Absolutely not!! I first off, never use the word “visitation”. No parent should ever be visiting their child or children. Parenting Time is the schedule created for a family to make optimal use of the families time together and apart. A parenting time schedule should be made for when children are with each parent, including a schedule for weekdays, weekends, holidays, and vacations. Ideally, your parenting time should allow for flexibility but also provide for a specific routine your children and yourselves. As your children grow, their needs and activities will change, and so may your jobs and these schedules need to be flexible enough to accommodate those changes.

A Parenting Agreement will include all of the terms that are necessary and important to the family. These are some of the items which may go into your parenting agreement along with the varying custody arrangements and holiday and parenting time schedules.

    § Which parent will pick up and drop off the children

    § Education and religious concerns and upbringing

    § How will the parents be advised on school and after school activities, including who will attend school conferences and events and functions.

    § How they parents handle family functions that take place during year, including birthday parties, graduation parties, bar and bat mitzvahs or communions, and the like.

    § Notification to parents and others if they are travelling outside of the United States with the children, and if so, are any restrictions to foreign travel. Who is responsible for the passports.

    § Communication with the parent who does not have parenting time, how and when should this occur?

    § Relocation issues and guidance should a parent want to relocate

    § Any parenting issues including restrictions regarding substance and alcohol use of the parents, friends or neighbors who will be around the children; any other restrictions the parents have agreed upon (for instance, a family member who cannot babysit the children).

The beauty about mediation is that you may as a couple and partners as parents tailor a Parenting Plan which meets your family’s needs. Remember it is no longer only the best interests of the children that are important, but the interests of the family!

Disclaimer:  The information obtained at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation. We invite you to contact us and welcome your calls, letters and electronic mail. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship. Please do not send any confidential information to us until such time as an attorney-client relationship has been established.

 

Divorce Mediation: The Dollars and “Sense” of it

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq. Posted on August 3, 2023

 

                                           

There is no question that ending a marriage is difficult. What happens to your children, if there are children, is probably at the top of your list of concerns. Just as you made choices in deciding to end your relationship you are now faced with a whole set of choices about your children, your retirement, your “things” and your pets.

Life is about choices. Each party must make choices about how to respond. With all of these choices and decisions, the last thing you need is to throw thousands of dollars into attorney fees for a divorce where these decisions may be made by you with the help of a mediator.

Mediation v. Litigation. Litigation is the standard response when discussing divorce but the cost, delay, and distraction of full-blown litigation make other alternatives worth examining seriously in in your decision to divorce. As an attorney who used to litigate divorce and as a consultant mediator in Family Court, I have seen myriads of cases where families are torn apart or couples are spending their hard-earned money on months and sometimes years of court appearances and litigation on issues they really don’t even care about. In most cases it is preferable to avoid litigation and seek mediation to resolve your conflicts.

The benefits of mediation are most dramatic when compared to long drawn out process of litigation.

Benefits:

· Divorce mediation helps preserve a relationship with your spouse and reduces the tension for the sake of your children. If there are children, remember you are parents forever.

· Typically, you will be more satisfied by having arrived at your own “solutions” to the problems as opposed to having a judge make the decisions for you.

· Mediation is significantly less expensive than a litigated divorce.

· If the case goes to court, the cost may be three to five times as high — or more.

· Mediated divorce cases typically take considerably less time than a litigated divorce- typically months maybe even years shorter.

· Clients are given the control to determine the schedule instead of relying on a schedule chosen by the attorneys and the very back-logged court system. This makes divorce mediation much faster than  litigation.

· Creative problem solving instead of settling for the “norm”. Whereas in Court time constraints don’t allow for the time needed to arrive at creative or “different” solutions to meet the needs of each family, mediation allows for parties to arrive at what works for them and test agreements to see how they work. Parties can then make changes after seeing how these agreements work in practice. You make the decisions you can live with.

· Divorce mediation is confidential and private. Clients discuss the important issues in the privacy and comfort of the mediator’s office. 

Don’t pay a fortune to make decisions in crowded courthouse hallway, the Courtroom or less desirable location. Don’t pay a fortune to have decisions be forced upon you when you can and will make your own decisions in mediation.

 
Clients always have the choice to litigate if mediation is unsuccessful. At least you didn’t start by emptying your bank account to begin the process. 

Consider all of these factors when you’re deciding between litigation and mediation. Call your mediator now to find out more.

Contact Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York for more information Serving Long Island and the Five Boroughs  www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com

631-465-2140 or contact robyn.weisman@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: The information obtained at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation. We invite you to contact us and welcome your calls, letters and electronic mail. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship. Please do not send any confidential information to us until such time as an attorney-client relationship has been established.

Is Divorce Mediation Right For You?

 

IS MEDIATION RIGHT FOR YOU?

Posted by Robyn D. Weisman, Esq. on April 27, 2023


                                              


Divorce Mediation is a kinder, gentler way to enter into a divorce or separation. It is much less expensive, much more amicable and much quicker than a traditional courtroom battle which is becoming less the norm.

But is it right for you?

When it comes to families with children, family law over the years has changed significantly. Both parents are more inclined to play an active role in their children’s lives. In mediation we encourage parents to develop “parenting plans” that meet the needs of the children and the parents, allowing both parents to spend a substantial amount of time with their kids. Co-parenting plans focus on the children and their needs and take away the “custody” battle. Although divorce is an end to the marital relationship, the parental and family relationship continues. Mediation is designed to promote communication and therefore can help families establish their new- post-divorce relationship and life.

Because mediation is a less contentious process than a courtroom divorce, couples without young children find their way into mediation as the process focuses on negotiation. The division of the property and assets with the help of a neutral third-party helps to develop an amicable resolution and one that meets the concerns of the parties. A mediator is required to be a neutral party and works with the couple for the good of both parties.

Mediators address the following: equitable distribution of assets and debts, spousal maintenance (alimony), health insurance, and parenting plans.

Is mediation right for you? 

Unless there are issues of protective orders or spousal abuse mediation is the better alternative. Even with those issues now that video-conferencing is an option parties can feel safe in their own environment

 
* Mediation reduces conflict between the parties and can even improve their relationship. 

* It saves time and money and provides the couple with the opportunity to independently reach agreement.

 
* Mediation generally offers a more cost efficient and time efficient means of resolving divorce disputes.

 
* Now with the addition of zoom and video-conferencing mediation is especially well-suited as an effective alternative to litigation because it can be done while maintaining social distancing and more convenient times and locations.

* Having an attorney who is a trained mediator is an added benefit as your legal rights will be protected and the legal paperwork can be accomplished.

  
* Communication with the assistance of a trained mediator and between parties can lead to a mediated conclusion that is beneficial to all involved.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. Serving all boroughs of New York City and Long Island 631-465-2140 

robyn.weisman@yahoo.com, www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com

Disclaimer: The information obtained at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation. We invite you to contact us and welcome your calls, letters and electronic mail. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship. Please do not send any confidential information to us until such time as an attorney-client relationship has been established.

MEDIATING YOUR DIVORCE THROUGH ONLINE TECHNOLOGY: IT WORKS

 

MEDIATING YOUR DIVORCE THROUGH ONLINE TECHNOLOGY: IT WORKS

by Robyn Weisman, Esq.


           

The coronavirus pandemic caused significant changes in the lives of all of us. More and more people had to go virtual, in business, in the court system, with friends and family, and especially with divorce cases. But since the pandemic and life has opened up, we have found in divorce and separation cases, virtual divorce mediation works!

Between our demanding jobs, managing the household, and if you have children, the kids' homework, and activities, we are stretched thin. Now add a divorce process into the mix. Online divorce mediation works for a number of reasons.

Convenience:

Online divorce mediation allows people to participate from anywhere. I have had clients, as well as myself as the mediator, be on vacation, business conferences, or travelling for any reason still participate in the mediations.



Parties who are living in different locations geographically can still attend mediations. The ability to mediate while not physically together is also helpful in cases that involve fear or apprehension of being in the same room.



Time efficiency and Cost savings:



Not only does online divorce mediation save the time of travel for all of those concerned, you can now be in the comfort of your own home or office. All you need is a computer, phone or ipad!



Hours:

Because mediation can be done from home, virtual mediation does not need to be restricted by traditional business hours. In my practice, we have added nights and weekends for convenience.



Privacy:

We take the process seriously in terms of privacy and in that regard, the mediator who hosts the meeting requires the parties to wait in a virtual waiting room when they sign on. The mediator then allows them each and only them to enter the video conference. Uninvited guests cannot inadvertently join in.

How does it work?

Very similar to mediations face-to-face a highly skilled, neutral mediator, will help you and your spouse through our divorce mediation process where he or she will help you identify, discuss, negotiate and resolve all of the issues required for your uncontested divorce including parenting plan (formerly known as child custody), child support, if you have children, spousal support if any, and the division of marital property.

But instead of the three of you sitting in the same room together, the two of you will be in your own separate location(s) and connect with your mediator via phone, computer or iPad.

Why Mediation?

Mediation is a process which can be helpful for both parties to have their views heard by a third-party mediator who is neutral and who can be completely objective.

Other benefits of mediation include the fact that it is often less expensive than each party hiring an attorney and fighting over the dispute in court, and in most cases, it is also much less time-consuming. Mediation sessions also tend to be more flexible and less stressful for all involved than having disputes resolved in court. With an attorney who is a mediator you can save a great deal of money and time in the process.

Mediation can also be helpful and beneficial for couples who have begun the process of obtaining a divorce but have not finalized the divorce yet. A mediator can help you and your spouse find solutions to parenting issues and newly arising areas of dispute.

The mutual goal: to finalize the divorce without spending a fortune on legal fees or becoming enemies. It will work! Find a mediator who you are comfortable with and who knows the law. And you will find the kindler, gentler way to separate or divorce.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 1-631-465-2140 with offices in Nassau, Suffolk and New York Counties.