WHAT HAPPENS WITH OUR PROPERTY? FINANCES? IN A DIVORCE OR SEPARATION?Mediation can help!

by Robyn D. Weisman, Esq. LLM.

We’ve all seen friends or family members endure long drawn out divorce battles with aggressive lawyers who seemed to escalate the conflict more than resolve it.

What you may not know is that there is a kinder, gentler way to divorce or separate. Divorce mediation involves the help of a neutral third party. This method requires the couple to work together to divide their assets and talk finances!
 
What you will need to bring to a mediation or at least review:

· Pay stubs, plus statements for savings, checking, and retirement accounts

· Mortgage balances, credit card statements, and childcare expenses.

· As my clients will attest my line is “everything you own and owe”

The more information you share with each other, the less emotional the process will feel. It can be hard to fully trust a spouse you’re divorcing, since you would not be ending the marriage if you were on the best terms. But if you trust your mediator and the process, that will go a long way toward keeping your emotions out of it.

What is equitable distribution?

New York is an equitable distribution state when dividing property during divorce. What does that mean? It means that all marital property will be distributed equitably, which is a fair division of all the assets and debts acquired during the marriage. So to figure this out, we have to decide whether specific possessions or assets qualify as separate or marital property. This will determine how property will be divided during a divorce.

Once the property has been designated as separate or marital then the fair distribution can occur. Various factors are taken into consideration when distributing assets including the incomes of the parties prior to and at the beginning of the divorce, duration of the marriage, need to occupy the marital home, loss of inheritance or pension rights, maintenance awards, future financial circumstances of each spouse, tax consequences, dissipation of assets, contributions as a non-wage earner to the income of the spouse and home, and the character of the property itself.

All of this can be discussed in mediation!

Tips when it comes to mortgages:

· You may want to find out if the mortgage you have is assumable

· One party may buy out the other; do you need a mortgage? Can you qualify for one in your name alone?

· When applying for a mortgage or refinance during a divorce or separation you will need either a fully executed separation agreement or divorce decree in place.

· In order to use income from child support and/or maintenance to qualify, it must be documented as received usually for 6 months and continuous

· If you can’t qualify on your own think about adding a non-occupant co-borrower

· All of this can be discussed in mediation!

What happens with Retirement Plans?

In planning for your divorce, a look at the retirement accounts will typically show that these funds represent a good portion of a couple’s assets and savings. These can be in the form of 401K plans, IRAs, Thrift Savings Annuities and retirement pension plans. Division of these funds can be crucial to balancing a couple’s assets. Some may want to evaluate to plan a buy-out of the parties other personal and real property. For this, an actuary or pension evaluator is a key asset in determining the value of one’s pension, since it is not defined. Your divorce mediator on Long Island or divorce attorney can help in locating a pension evaluator to have the plan evaluated. At Divorce Mediation & Family Services we work with an efficient and effective pension evaluator to assist us in this process.


The mutual goal: to finalize the divorce without spending a fortune on legal fees or becoming enemies. It will work! Find a mediator who you are comfortable with and who knows the law. And you will find the kindler, gentler way to separate or divorce.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., LLM., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 631-465-2140 serving all of New York

 

NEW YEAR,  NEW ME

By Robyn D. Weisman, Esq.,

Director, Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York

 

New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day have come and gone. It may have been exactly what we always thought or it may have been a time to reflect on a decision to make some changes. 2025 is a New Year and possibly a new beginning. Here are some thoughts to start the New Year when thinking about change:



1. Endings are also new beginnings

Don’t think of it as an ending but rather a fresh start. Beginning a new year reminds us that the end of one thing leads to the start of another. A relationship may be over but your life is not. Let this be a time when you recognize that you do still have a future ahead of you, despite the pain you’ve been through. And embrace the power of change….

2. So much change can happen in one year, and it can be good

A good thing to remember is how much things can change in such a short span of time.

If your relationship ended suddenly you might be wondering you may ask “How did my life change so badly in a year?” but the reverse can be equally true. Although it’s often difficult to see how we will ever be happy, this time next New Year’s Eve, you may be in a completely different place again, both emotionally and situationally. I have seen so many of my clients after one year out of an unhealthy relationship, look and feel so healthy and changed in so many respects for the better.

3. Let go of the old

Releasing old habits, emotions and destructive behaviors can be a goal for the New Year. This may be a great time to reflect on what’s not working in your life and make a decision to start the year differently. What may be holding you back? Is it grief, anger, disappointment or sadness around the end of your relationship? Reflecting on it will help you move on. Maybe you are still letting your partner or ex-partner have too much interest or control in your life. This may make it hard for you to move forward. What will you do to help you feel differently?

4. Celebrate your achievements

However recently or distantly your relationship ended, or you may wish to end, you will have something to celebrate. It’s important to be kind to yourself and acknowledge you’ve been through a tough time. If your biggest achievement is simply waking up each day, then embrace that. Whether you are taking baby steps or long strides, remember to celebrate that you are still moving forward!



5. Resolutions for the year; what are your goals?

New year is traditionally a time for setting resolutions. Giving yourself realistic goals which can be a wonderful way to increase levels of positivity and happiness after a difficult year. The key is to make the goals challenging enough that they will inspire you, but realistic enough that you don’t set yourself up to fail and feel worse than when you began.



But don’t forget to be kind to yourself; look to do things that make you feel yourself again. Possibly set goals that you would not have believed possible during your relationship. Think of anything you might have held back on for fear of upsetting or being criticized by your spouse or partner.



We can, of course, make the decision to change our lives on whatever day or time we choose. But when the new year is so perfectly apt for starting afresh, why not use the opportunity to make those changes right now?

Wishing you a very Happy New Year and a shining future life!



Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., LLM, Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 1-631-465-2140  Call in New York, serving Long island and all five boroughs of New York City

www.Divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com