How Do We Tell Others

               



Telling our children, parents, friends, and even people at work, that our marriage is over can be so difficult and even scary.

We ask ourselves how and when is the best time? Who should be present? How do I put it?

 
Telling our children

We feel guilty about disrupting their stability as we know that their lives will be changed considerably by the divorce.

There is ongoing debate as to whether it’s best to wait until the children go to college to separate. Research shows, however, that college-age children may be just as vulnerable as the younger ones. Knowing their home will become two homes while they are gone may be even harder for them than living through the changes with the rest of the family.

It is best to tell children when you know yourself what the plan is. They are going to have as many questions as you had when you entered the process. In mediation, we like to wait until we have developed a parenting plan or if the children are older, a future plan.

 
Telling our parents

Although we are adults and have had our own homes for many years, we may feel concerned about disappointing our parents by admitting that our marriage is breaking up. We would like to count on their support but sometimes they may not handle the breakup as we would like them to. They may, however, be more understanding than you think.

 
Telling our friends

                 

Couples with whom we shared dinners, vacations, activities, and events with our children are going to find out that we are not the perfect couple that they thought we were. We will no longer be interacting with them in the same way and fear we may lose some and/or be judged by them.

Going through a mediated divorce or separation gives you an edge in this regard because it keeps a couple, although separating, communicating. Communication is the key to any relationship and will help you enter new relationships and keep old ones intact. Your friends will be less likely to feel they have to take sides.

 
Telling people at work

Work colleagues may know very little about our personal lives.

Perhaps we had the courage to face a harsh reality and take the leap towards what we hope will be a healthier life for our family. Sometimes learning from our mistakes will make us stronger, more aware of who we are, and what we need to do to improve our lives. Freeing ourselves from some of that daily stress can also open up a space for us to be better parents, children, friends and co-workers.

If you are considering divorce, we can assist you with all the different aspects of that process through mediation, including how to have those difficult conversations.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 

1-800-WE MEDIATE with offices in Melville, Long Beach, and New York City, New York visit our website at www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com

What Happens To My Property During Separation or Divorce?

 

What is this thing called Equitable Distribution we hear about in marriage and divorce?

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq.

                      

So many of my clients have asked me, “I get half of everything right?”, or “Everything we own is community property”. Well, this is an often mistake that people believe in New York. New York is an equitable distribution state when dividing property during divorce. What does that mean? It means that all marital property will be distributed equitably, which is a fair division of all the assets and debts acquired during the marriage. So to figure this out, we have to decide whether specific possessions or assets qualify as separate or marital property. This will determine how property will be divided during a divorce.

What is considered separate property?

* Property either spouse acquired before the marriage began

*Property received individually by a spouse as a gift or inheritance
*Compensation for personal injuries
*Property which has been designated as separate property in a legal prenuptial agreement or written contract
*Property obtained from the proceeds or appreciation in value of separate property

If something is qualified as separate property it is not subject to division during the couple’s divorce. You are entitled to keep your own separate property unless the property has increased in value due to a spouse’s contributions.

What is considered marital property?

*The incomes of both spouses
*Any property purchased with the parties income
*Any property purchased during the marriage, such as a home or vehicle
*The appreciation of all marital property during the marriage (and potentially separate property appreciation)
*The retirement benefits earned by each spouse during the marriage

Marital property includes any property obtained by both or either spouse during their marriage. This property is subject to division during the divorce.

Once the property has been designated as separate or marital then the fair distribution can occur. Various factors are taken into consideration when distributing assets including the incomes of the parties prior to and at the beginning of the divorce, duration of the marriage, need to occupy the marital home, loss of inheritance or pension rights, maintenance awards, future financial circumstances of each spouse, tax consequences, dissipation of assets, contributions as a non-wage earner to the income of the spouse and home, and the character of the property itself.

Mediation is the best way to decide together the most “equitable” way to divide the assets fairly and creatively so that it works for both parties involved.

Contact Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York for more information, 631-465-2140 with offices in Nassau County, Suffolk County and now Manhattan 

1-877-WE MEDIATE www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com



Disclaimer: The information obtained at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation. We invite you to contact us and welcome your calls, letters and electronic mail. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship. Please do not send any confidential information to us until such time as an attorney-client relationship has been established.

 

How Will My Separation Affect My Children during the Covid period?
                 
It’s hard to predict, but it’s essential to prepare.

                  
Back to school after the holidays and cases are rising. Hopefully an end is in site to our Covid dilemmas.

Many school systems have been working within a system that alternates days physically spent at school with remote learning. This is referred to as a hybrid model.

Now parents have to update their own plans for education, supervision, and co-parenting.

It’s stressful for everyone, but divorce and children who live in two homes make it even more complicated. Divorce agreements did not envision COVID. Parents are scrambling to find workable solutions. Parents need to work together even more effectively now to help their kids learn and grow.

Parenting Plan: Most parenting plans until now only considered where children will be after school or day care. Now plans need to address where kids will learn during the day; how they will be supervised; and how they will get to and from school (busing, parent or caregiver pickup) and each parent’s home.

Child Care: Child care options are quite limited now. All day options for preschoolers and wrap-around programs for school aged kids are less available. Parents are looking for child care providers who will come to a home (or alternate between the parents’ homes). These providers may also handle supervision and outdoor activities for children whose parents work from home.

Previously, child-care expenses were often quite small because kids were in school full-time. Now, supervision may be an added expense in a difficult economic time.

Child Support: Before COVID, parenting was pretty much about evenings and weekends. What might have been a 50:50 parenting plan is now quite different when children are at one house for most of the daytime hours. Expenses are different and child support might need to be reconsidered for this time period.

Quarantine and Illness: While parents have been concerned about illness and COVID risks, not many have had to quarantine due to exposure. If a class or school requires a quarantine, how will that affect the children, their parents, and other caregivers or arrangements

I encourage parents to discuss these issues as soon as possible. As the COVID situation has evolved, further changes may be needed.

Mediating a new parenting plan or drafting a parenting plan by those going through divorce or separation necessitates a discussion on these issues.

Mediation is a great way to create an agreement that works for the couple and the family. An experienced mediator who is also an attorney would be in the best position to explain the law and the options available.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 1-800-WE MEDIATE with offices in Melville and Long Beach, New York soon to be opening an office in Manhattan as well.

Making the Most of This Holiday Season during a Separation or Divorce by Robyn D. Weisman, Esq. 

The stress of the holiday season can be overwhelming for divorcing families especially this year. With the major transitions facing your family, the holiday season approaches, and generally is about families getting together. How can you deal with this? Is it possible to have a “normal” holiday for the kids? How do we share the holidays, with the kids, future ex-spouses, and new and extended families? 

Be open and flexible, willing to share and figure out new and exciting ways to celebrate, even if it is different from what you’ve done in the past. Try to smile and be happy even if you feel stress and fear underneath. 

Some tips to cope during this holiday season: 

1) It’s all about the kids. This may be your first holiday apart from your ex or future ex and for the children’s sake you are trying so hard to maintain as many traditions as possible. Following the same routine would be the best possible scenario. This year may be very different. Virtual gatherings may be the best plan. In the beginning, certainly try to keep the traditions, and then new traditions can and will develop. In the beginning, try to keep change to a minimum. Ease the transition and then start anew. 

2) Put on a happy face. This may have been a very tough year for you and smiles are not coming easy. The holidays feel like a chore and you don’t feel like celebrating. Smiles go a long way. They are contagious! Smile, do it for yourself and your children. Decorate, shop, cook, party, and smile. 

3) Think out of the box: There may be those traditions where you and the whole family went to a family’s house for Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve or the first night of Hanukah. Now you may not be invited if it was your in-laws. Well, let your kids go and find a special time or way for you to celebrate. Now you may be creating a new tradition! 

4) You are parents forever: Not only are you and your spouse parents forever, but ex-in-laws or soon to be ex-in-laws are your children’s family forever too. Start early and show the children you appreciate all family members by including them when you do holiday cards and shopping. These gestures now will go a long way in the future when special occasions arise in the future. Graduations, weddings, birthdays all involve the entire family. Your children will appreciate the fact that you have worked to keep those times stress free and loving for all. 

5) How can I pay for those holiday gifts. Now may be a financially difficult time as well as emotional. Remember your kids will be getting twice as much now, so you don’t have to overdo it! Maybe talk to your ex or soon to be ex and talk about what each of you will be getting the kids. Share and divide the wish list. 

6) What is this Holiday schedule anyway? I can’t tell you how many couples come to me and say we have to alternate the holidays, right? This is what they hear from other families, many of whom have gone through the Court battle to end their marriage. Remember as the marriage was yours, the divorce is yours too. What works for some families may not work for yours. Be creative. Think of traditions. Can you keep the traditions and add new ones? If your family spends Christmas Eve together each year, while your spouse’s family spends Christmas Day together each year, why not keep it that way. Do your kids usually go to the in-laws summer home for Labor Day weekend, can they still do that? Sure. Why don’t you make Memorial Day weekend your weekend to go to Montauk? If your family has a huge Thanksgiving Dinner and your ex spouse’s family is not around for Thanksgiving so make Thanksgiving Day yours and the weekend after your spouses’. What works for your family is the answer to the puzzle! Think about how your families celebrate each holiday and where your kids would likely prefer to be and use that to start your holiday schedule. 

Build and keep those childhood memories for the kids. 

It’s all about tradition, memories and building a happy future! 

Happy Holidays from Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York! 

Mediation is the best way to decide together the most “equitable” way to divorce or separate creatively so that it works for both parties involved. 

Contact Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York for more information, 631-465-2140 

Disclaimer: The information obtained at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation. We invite you to contact us and welcome your calls, letters and electronic mail. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship. Please do not send any confidential information to us until such time as an attorney-client relationship has been established.

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? Posted by Robyn D. Weisman, Esq. on October 14, 2020

As Fall Approaches Divorcing or Separating Couples: What to do?

 

This summer clearly was a very distressing and emotional time for all of us. Although we have somewhat adjusted to the “new normal,” it is still proving to be stressful.

As the Fall approaches and we are potentially getting back to school and work, we are extremely anxious not knowing when this is going to end. 

School looks different, work looks different, child care looks different.  For at least the near future, this is very far from the normal we once knew. 

Couples relationships may have undergone significant changes. 

What to do: Stay together for the kids or divorce?

Parents often wrestle with the question whether divorce is a better option for the kids. Ask yourselves: should the children witness the fights and experience the constant tension between  parents who are not getting along. This question comes up constantly in my conferences with clients and potential clients.

Are your children feeling your stress? The answer is a definite yes. Staying together for the children, typically has the reverse effect than parents often think. Studies have shown that it is best for children to see happy parents, apart, rather than unhappy, stressed out parents together!

With an experienced mediator who is also a divorce attorney, couples in this situation will benefit with a kinder, gentler divorce or separation. 

What happens in mediation?

My mediation appointments focus on:
*Helping couples divorce or separate amicably
(parenting time, division of assets, maintenance and child support)
*Assisting parents with issues related to COVID-19 parental access to the children
*Assisting couples with any issues that are causing them emotional distress
*In my practice, the children, if there are any, are discussed first and will usually bring us all to a common ground. 

With years of experience in the Courts, working as a mediator in Family Court, and with a psychology background, we are able to work through the issues and find the options which best serve your family.

The goal is to fairly and equally divide our assets and to advocate for your children’s best interests in as few sessions as possible. 

I am currently able to continue to help couples and families, by conducting mediations online, and in in person in one of my offices whichever is more comfortable. 

Remember, no one wins but the key is to be peaceful and come to a solution that works for all.  

The mutual goal: to finalize the divorce without spending a fortune on legal fees or becoming enemies.

It will work! Find a mediator who you are comfortable with and who knows the law. And you will find the kindler, gentler way to separate or divorce.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 1-800-WE MEDIATE with offices in Melville and Long Beach, New York

 

 

Health and Safety at Divorce Mediation & Family Services

The health and safety of our clients is our top priority 

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Mediation family law issues, divorce and separation are for those who choose to resolve matters amicably together instead of letting the courts decide their future. Divorcing clients often find themselves feeling overwhelmed and drained as they are forced to make major life decisions during an emotionally charged time. By settling in mediation, the divorce process becomes less adversarial than ongoing litigation. A mediated settlement in a family case is a gift the parties give themselves and continue to give themselves long after the divorce is over. Mediation is the most rewarding work I had ever done in my years of practice.  Mediation is the kinder, gentler way to divorce or separate. 

We are back in business.  In the comfort of your own home via Zoom or in either one of our offices in Melville or Long Beach, New York.  Our office locations are open for business based on the guidelines from local government and health officials. The office is cleaned in between appointments, including sanitizing high touch areas such as keyboards, telephones and common areas. In the Melville office, temperatures are taken for everyone who walks in the building.

In an effort to try and keep cases moving during this period, I am offering virtual mediation which has been working out quite well. I am set up to ensure you have an effortless mediation experience. We have a Zoom video-conferencing account and will walk you through the process- all you need is a phone or computer.

Divorce Mediation & Family Services has adjusted hours so that we are available on nights and weekends via the virtual mediation process to add more flexibility and comfort.  

When it’s time for settlement, you and your clients need a mediator who is knowledgeable about the issues in divorce, understands the financials, and who gets provides the assistance with empathy and legal experience which will create a future for you as a family and individually. 

Whether it is pre-marriage issues, divorce, alimony, custody or post-judgment issues, allow us to mediate the case to help you negotiate what matters to you in a fair and balanced manner.

The mutual goal: to finalize the divorce without spending a fortune on legal fees or becoming enemies. It will work! Find a mediator who you are comfortable with and who knows the law.  And you will find the kinder, gentler way to separate or divorce.

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 1-800-WE MEDIATE with offices in Melville and Long Beach, New York