NEW YEAR, NEW ME
By Robyn
D. Weisman, Esq.,
Director,
Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York
New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day have
come and gone. It may have been exactly
what we always thought or it may have been a time to reflect on a decision to make
some changes. 2020 is a New Year and possibly a new beginning. Here are some thoughts to start the New Year
when thinking about change:
1. Endings are also new
beginnings
Don’t think of it as an ending
but rather a fresh start. Beginning a new year reminds us that the end of one
thing leads to the start of another. A relationship may be over but your life
is not. Let this be a time when you recognize that you do still have a future
ahead of you, despite the pain you’ve been through. And embrace the power of change….
2. So much change can happen in
one year, and it can be good
A good thing to remember is, how
much things can change in such a short span of time.
If your relationship ended
suddenly you might be wondering “How did my life change so badly in a year?”. The reverse can be equally
true. Although it is often difficult to see how we will ever be happy,
this time next New Year’s Eve, you may be in a completely
different place, both emotionally and situationally. I have seen so many of my clients after one year
out of an unhealthy relationship, look and feel so healthy and changed in so
many respects for the better.
3. Let go of the old
Releasing old habits, emotions
and destructive behaviors can be a goal for the New Year. This may be a great
time to reflect on what’s not working in your life and make a decision to
start the year differently. What may be
holding you back? Is it grief, anger,
disappointment or sadness around the end of your relationship? Reflecting on it
will help you move on. Maybe you are
still letting your partner or ex-partner have too much interest or control in
your life. This may make it hard for you
to move forward. What will you do to help you feel differently?
4. Celebrate your achievements
However recently or distantly
your relationship ended, or you may wish to end, you will have something to
celebrate. It’s important to be kind to yourself and acknowledge you’ve been
through a tough time. If your biggest achievement is simply waking up each day,
then embrace that. Whether you are
taking baby steps or long strides, remember to celebrate that you are still
moving forward!
5. Resolutions for the year;
what are your goals?
New year is traditionally a
time for setting resolutions. Giving
yourself realistic goals which can be a wonderful way to increase levels of
positivity and happiness after a difficult year. The key is to make the goals
challenging enough that they will inspire you, but realistic enough that you
don’t set yourself up to fail and feel worse than when you began.
But don’t forget to be kind to
yourself; look to do things that make you feel yourself again. Possibly set
goals that you would not have believed possible during your relationship. Think
of anything you might have held back on for fear of upsetting or being criticized
by your spouse or partner.
We
can, of course, make the decision to change our lives on whatever day or time
we choose. But when the new year is so perfectly apt for starting afresh, why
not use the opportunity to make those changes right now?
Wishing you a very Happy New
Year and a shining future life!
Robyn
D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator,
Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of
New York, Ltd. 1-800-WE MEDIATE
