NEW YEAR,  NEW ME

By Robyn D. Weisman, Esq.,

Director, Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York

New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day have come and gone.  It may have been exactly what we always thought or it may have been a time to reflect on a decision to make some changes.  2020 is a New Year and possibly a new beginning.  Here are some thoughts to start the New Year when thinking about change:

1. Endings are also new beginnings

Don’t think of it as an ending but rather a fresh start. Beginning a new year reminds us that the end of one thing leads to the start of another. A relationship may be over but your life is not. Let this be a time when you recognize that you do still have a future ahead of you, despite the pain you’ve been through.  And embrace the power of change….

2. So much change can happen in one year, and it can be good

A good thing to remember is, how much things can change in such a short span of time.

If your relationship ended suddenly you might be wondering  “How did my life change so badly in a year?”.  The reverse can be equally true.  Although it is often difficult to see how we will ever be happy, this time next New Year’s Eve, you may be in a completely different place, both emotionally and situationally.  I have seen so many of my clients after one year out of an unhealthy relationship, look and feel so healthy and changed in so many respects for the better.

3. Let go of the old

Releasing old habits, emotions and destructive behaviors can be a goal for the New Year. This may be a great time to reflect on what’s not working in your life and make  a decision to start the year differently.  What may be holding you back?  Is it grief, anger, disappointment or sadness around the end of your relationship? Reflecting on it will help you move on.  Maybe you are still letting your partner or ex-partner have too much interest or control in your life.  This may make it hard for you to move forward. What will you do to help you feel differently?

4. Celebrate your achievements

However recently or distantly your relationship ended, or you may wish to end, you will have something to celebrate. It’s important to be kind to yourself and acknowledge you’ve been through a tough time. If your biggest achievement is simply waking up each day, then embrace that.  Whether you are taking baby steps or long strides, remember to celebrate that you are still moving forward!

5. Resolutions for the year; what are your goals?

New year is traditionally a time for setting resolutions. Giving yourself realistic goals which can be a wonderful way to increase levels of positivity and happiness after a difficult year. The key is to make the goals challenging enough that they will inspire you, but realistic enough that you don’t set yourself up to fail and feel worse than when you began.

But don’t forget to be kind to yourself; look to do things that make you feel yourself again. Possibly set goals that you would not have believed possible during your relationship. Think of anything you might have held back on for fear of upsetting or being criticized by your spouse or partner. 

We can, of course, make the decision to change our lives on whatever day or time we choose. But when the new year is so perfectly apt for starting afresh, why not use the opportunity to make those changes right now?

Wishing you a very Happy New Year and a shining future life!

Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Attorney, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer, Director of Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd. 1-800-WE MEDIATE

www.Divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com