Empty Nesters Facing a New Chapter Can Include Divorce or Separation

Posted on March 9, 2020 by Robyn D. Weisman, Esq.
Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York
www.divorcemediationandfamilyservices.com

                

Now that your children are on their own, after years of raising a family with your spouse, you find yourself ready to start a new life. Sometimes you may find this new life might be starting on your own. The Empty Nest Divorce affects and is common through a large portion of the population. How common? In the past 25 years, divorce among people 50 years of age and older has roughly doubled. 

Whether you call it empty nest syndrome or a mid-life crisis, many couples struggle when their children leave home. This life change can be a tough adjustment since a parent has gotten used to having their child living under their roof for 18+ years. Spouses are used to focusing on their child’s schedule and activities.

Often, parents on the brink of divorce stick it out until

their last child leaves for college. While they may 

have been planning this for a while, parents think they are doing their children a service by waiting until they leave home to break the news. This is not necessarily the best plan. The underlying strife and anxiety in a relationship is definitely felt in the children even if it is not public.

                    

Does An Empty Nest Cause Divorce?

The Empty Nest does not cause divorce, but life drastically changes when our children “fly the coop.” We might not have addressed issues that were troublesome to our marriage. We might have been so busy keeping up with all of the activities and responsibilities of parenthood that we neglected our relationship as lovers, friends and husband and wife.

Plenty of couples say they have grown apart, lost sight of each other and their relationship while raising children. But there are many reasons late-in-life divorces can occur, such as:

1) People are living longer and, knowing they have a good two or three decades still ahead of them, prefer not to live in an unsatisfying marriage.

2) Whether it’s menopause or medication that stalls a person’s libido, health problems of any sort can put a strain on a marriage.

3) If you relied on the activities of your child as part of your social calendar, now that your child has left the nest you may find your social calendar quite empty.

4) Do you and your spouse have completely different ideas about life after retirement, or even when to retire? Incompatibility in this department can effect your plan.

What should you consider when starting the divorce or separation process?
1) Who’s paying for college? If your child or children are in college, it needs to be decided during your divorce who will contribute what funds to continue paying for your child’s education.

2) When will you see your kids? Your children may be too old for child custody, parenting time or child support, to be an issue in your divorce. But you are parents forever so make a point to discuss who will be at what holiday or celebration trying to do it together if possible.

3) How does divorce affect retirement? From Social Security to pensions to 401(k)s, there are some assets that you may be entitled to. Whatever the two of you planned to do together after retirement will be distributed in your divorce.

A healthy divorce includes a healthy family and your children will gain the greatest benefit from your efforts to go through an amicable divorce. Therefore, the very essence of what mediation stands for is a real-world manifestation of the healthy psyche that we want in any difficult situation.



Robyn D. Weisman, Esq., Divorce Mediation & Family Services of New York, Ltd.

631-465-2140, or 1-800-WE MEDIATE